In The Blood

OK so almost my entire life I have known that my dad wasn't my biological father.  I have known that my mom and the bio-dad had been married for a short time but that he had cheated on her and they had split up before I was born.  My dad (the man who stepped up and raised me) is one of the greatest men that I have ever had the privilege of knowing and there is a lot about me that is directly because of the way he raised me.  I have never once thrown the "Your not my real dad" thing in his face,. because he is my real dad.  He didn't make me in a biological sense but he is my dad.

Well over the past summer I learned that my bio-dad is on his fifth marriage and that all together there are five of us children myself being the oldest.  I have made contact with all of my siblings and have never met them face to face but my sister Lindsey has become my best friend.  There is a part of me that always felt out of place with my family like I didn't belong.  In fact I have often felt that I didn't belong in this world at all I always felt alone like there was no one that really understood me.  In Lindsey I have found that other part of me that I always felt that was missing.  I have found that companion who understands the mess that is going on in my head and who understands me.  Who can relate to how I feel at all times.  This brings me to the main topic of my blog today and that is soul mates.

What are soul mates? 

In most stories people refer to soul mates in a romantic sense.  They refer to them as that lover that you cannot live without.  I don't believe that is the case at all.  I have always felt that a soul mate was much more than a lover and much more than a friend.  I believe that in this world we are always searching for that person that we can connect with.  I also believe that it is in our nature to find that person as a lover and to need that connection.  Soul mates should not be lovers.  Lovers come and go and always in the separating from a lover there is a rift that cannot be mended.  I believe that soul mates were not created to be these things.  They are meant to be the shoulder to cry on when a lover leaves you broken.  They are the keepers of our secrets and the menders of our wounds they are the strength when we have none.  They are the thing that makes us whole.  Lindsey is all of this to me.  In just the short time we have been in contact I have already learned that there isn't anything in this world that I wouldn't do for her. I know that when I feel like I am at my lowest she will know what to say to make me smile and will be my rock and my strength.  She has already done all that and more.

I love you Lindsey thank you for being my rock.

Blessed Be,

M

We All Need A Little Rescuing.

So I have been listening to this song a lot it is called "The Rescue" by Tylor Ward it has really been stuck in my head lately and it has gotten me thinking a lot about the way I use to look at the world and of myself.  I use to always think that I needed someone to rescue me.  Whether it was a god or a woman or man I always felt that I needed someone to pick me up when I was down and that I needed someone to save me from myself and from the world.  I started to realize that while having someone else do all the hard work and swoop in to save you is great in books or movies that in the real world that is very seldom the case. 

It is our job to rescue ourselves to pick ourselves up from the gutter to put our arms out and catch ourselves when we start to fall.  There are always things and people to lean on when things start to get out of control but we should try not to rely on them being there to save us.  We need to learn to rely on ourselves.  I have learned to lean on myself and not on others and sometimes I fall and sometimes I feel like the world is going to crash down on me and break me but after the dust from the most resent drama has cleared I stand up and dust myself off and realize that I may be bruised and a little damaged but guess what?  I am still standing.  I am still here. 

In my life I had moments where I thought that even death would be easier than waiting to be rescued and I tried to end my own life.  Even after that self inflicted drama I am blessed to still be standing here I am blessed to wake up every morning and to take a deep breath and realize that I made it through.  I was one of the lucky people who failed.  So many have not been given the chances that I have.  Nothing this world or the people in it throw at you is worth ending your own life. 

This went from being a blog post about being rescued and turned into being strong and not letting the world push you to the limit and you know what standing up and realizing that you are strong enough to make it through is rescuing yourself.

Blessed Be
M

I am not a religious man but I leave you all with this.