What A Week.

Well this was a crazy week.  Monday the hurricane rolled in and my company decided to close the office Monday and Tuesday and to have us work from home if possible well the power went out Monday evening and stayed out through till mid day Wednesday.  I know that there are many that are still without power so I am not going to whine and complain about it.  I did feel like I was heading down the route of Jack Torrance from The Shining because of not having electricity.  It is rough for me to be in a situation where I cant do anything about it.  Well Thursday they finally opened up the office and it was nice to be able to get back to work.  Thought honestly when I came in to work today I was as exhausted as if I would have stayed at work all week.   I am ready for a stress free weekend I want to just relax and watch some TV and play a little bit of video games.

I have also been doing a pretty decent job of not eating like a Big-Fat-Fatty.  I stopped trying to look at it like a long term goal.  I am now approaching it like I approached not smoking.  Every day is a new day.  I am not trying to get through the week.  Only trying to get through the day.  On Monday it will be 1 year without smokes.  It is kind of amazing to think that I was finally able to make the change.  What worked was each morning when I would normally stop for a pack of smokes I just went "Nah I will stop on my way home from work." Then when it was time to go home I would just go "Nah I don't feel like stopping right now." Eventually it was a week and then a month and here I am at a year.  Well I am going to try to finish up the rest of this work day. 

Blessed Be.
M

I Punch Of Reality To The Face

So this weekend I was relaxing at my moms house for a bit while my daughters enjoyed my sisters birthday party.  Too many small children for my liking so I was hiding inside while they all played outside.  Well my mom asked me very matter-of-factly if I had a good life insurance policy and that my beneficiaries were in line so that my daughters could be taken care of if something happened.  I looked at her and was like well yes I do and her response "Well since you don't take good care of yourself and are very heavy I wanted to make sure that if something happened to you that the girls would be taken care of."  This was one of those "What the fuck." kind of moments the ones where you go "are things really that bad?"  "am I already knocking on deaths door."  I realized I am.  I am pretty much taunting death to take me.  I mean yeah I did quit smoking and drink very rarely like 2 beers a month. However that is only a small fraction of the abuse that I put on my body.  The sedentary life that I live and the food that I shove in my body are causing my body to fall apart.

I always thought that I didn't have to rush to get things in order that I had plenty of time but the years have continued to creep by and the only progress that I have made is in getting fatter.  Every week I am reaching a new weight high.  People think I should have surgery to lose the weight but I know that I can do it I just have to be stronger than my need for the food.  I have to walk that fine line.  I know that I can do it and I will do it.  I need to do it.  Not for myself but for my daughters.

Mark

Long Weekend With Weird Weather

This weekend was full of some odd weather and felt like it was a week instead of just a weekend.  It seemed like the sky couldn't make up its mind if it was going to rain or let the sun shine through and be wonderful.  Eventually as the day wore on the rain won out over the sun and it poured the funny thing was that they shot off some fireworks Friday night and as soon as the grand finale was over the sky just opened up and dumped on us.  It was very interesting.  It was however wonderful to lay on the couch with the window open almost all weekend listening to the rain as it came and went and the nice breeze that would shoot around the neighborhood.  It made for some really relaxing time.

I did also eat far too much food over the weekend as is my usual MO.  I still haven't figured out what I need to do to keep myself on track.

On an upside I went to a party this weekend it was my friend Megs little brothers 21'st birthday and even though 90% of the people there smoked I managed to stay strong.  I have been 30 weeks without a smoke I think that the longest I have ever gone during any of my previous attempts to quit smoking was like 20 weeks at the absolute most that is awesome.  It is really one of the few things I am doing for myself right now that I can really be proud of.

Well it is time for me to go and get started on actually doing some work even though there isn't really anything for me to do.

M

The Razor-Wire Is Gone

Well had to take a sick day from work yesterday.  Wednesday night I felt like there was a ball of razor-wire stuck in the back of my throat.  It was hard to breath and the pain, I felt, was going to drive me insane.  I took yesterday off of work and made so to take some good cold medicine and that I had a nice bag of cough drops on hand at all times.  Last night I was actually able to sleep the whole night through and it was a wonderful thing.  When I woke up this morning I was able to swallow and breath without feeling like I was going to die.  It was a great thing.  Something that was really funny was the first thing I thought when my throat started hurting was "Man I am glad that I don't smoke anymore.  That would suck." 

I have been 29 weeks and 4 days without a smoke.  It is interesting because I never thought that I would be able to quit and the fact that all it took was me deciding to not stop that one morning to get smokes on my way to work.

I am thinking that this weekend is going to be a cleaning weekend.  Yesterday I did nothing all day so I feel that I need to move around and make up for it today.  I also ate a lot of food last night once my throat started feeling better.  Going to use that to move on to my next segment of this post.  I realize that I had this incredible will power to stop smoking I just one day said ok I am done.  Most people would say that my will power is very strong to be able to do that.  If I can do that why cant I have the will power to get to the gym or to not stuff my face with food on an hourly basis.  That is my big question and that is the next step I need to take in my life.  Finding a way to direct that will power into losing weight that is what I am working on right now.  Well I am going to do some work and hopefully I will get some more blogging in later today if I happen to come across anything interesting to talk about.

M.

It's Time

OK it is time.  I think I have reached the point where I have lost all the weight I am going to do with just diet alone.  Sadly it is only 10 lbs.  I was hoping it would be a little bit more so to take a little more strain of my body before I started working out again.  It doesn't look like that is going to be the case.  I will not let this deter me though.  Tonight I will start with some light upper body lifting just enough to get my heart moving and see if that kick starts some more weight loss.  After another 10 lbs comes off I will start walking some more.  That will be 20 lbs of weight off of my knees.  The knee pain was one of the big motivating factors to me wanting to do this again and having this renewed dedication.

Well hopefully I will be back later today with some more info.

Blessed Be,
M

Decided to start again

I decided to start this blogging thing again because for some reason I feel like typing up the thoughts that are poring through my head no matter how pointless they may be. 

I spent two weeks eating healthy and really feeling good about that and then I was sick all weekend and honestly I didn't eat the way that I should have and I felt like I had yet again failed at this task that I have put in front of myself.  A weaker Mark would have just said screw it and went back to just eating everything in the house and just giving up but I woke up yesterday morning and got back on track.  My stomach was back to almost feeling normal again and I picked myself up and kept moving forward.

Another win that is going into my win book is that I have been 16 weeks without a smoke.  From time to time I still have that little urge but then honestly the first time I smell someone else smoking I want to just vomit.  I think that this is one thing that I have succeeded at.  I can already breath much better and with how much I weigh the fact that I quit smoking is probably an extra great thing.  I want to start working out more often or I should say working out period.  I feel that if I could get myself doing that then things would honestly move along much more smoothly. 

Well I believe that this is an acceptable first post to this new blog and I am hoping to follow it up with short posts through the course of the week and then would like to start doing a weekly review one every Monday.

<3 Mark