Caved In.

Well I caved in and bought Minecraft for the PC and honestly I could not be happier.  The sky really is the limit when it comes to what you can do with this game.  Also I hate to admit it but I feel my gaming preference beginning to shift from consoles to PC.  Currently I have only been playing on peaceful just because I still haven't gotten use to the controls of a PC that who AWSD is a little crazy though using a mouse is far easier than using an analog stick to to aim. Also the addition of mods and texture packs are pretty awesome.  Currently I am only using the Optifine Mod and the Boardercraft texture pack which is awesome.  I don't really have too much else to say right now.  The diet is going pretty crappy but each day is a new day.  Today I made sure not to bring that much stuff with me to work so that I am limited to just my breakfast and what I brought for lunch I also didn't bring any money for the vending machines.  We will see how it goes.  Most likely I will just stuff my face when I get home.

M

Cupcakes and Ice Cream Cakes!!!

Man where did this weekend go?  I mean honestly I have no clue.  I don't really know what happened to Saturday I do however know that Sunday I ate some cupcakes and some candy along with a homemade ice cream cake.  Well not the whole ice cream cake but a lot of it.  I also had probably some of the best lasagna I have ever consumed.  Way more of that than I should have.  I look back on Sunday and it is no surprise that I can barely see my toes sticking out from my gut, OK that isn't true I can still see my toes but I wonder if it is only a matter of time.  Today is am starting over (yet again)  I wish that I could get a little more support at home over this but I kind of understand that people don't like to do that kind of stuff.  Everyone wants me to talk to a doctor and go the surgery route but I know that I can do this.  I have done it before I know that I am not fat because of a problem with my body I am fat because of a problem with my mind and because I don't say know.  I also am the master of making up excuses.  An all time favorite is the well it is the weekend I can start over on Monday.  That is the one I used this weekend.  Then there is also the well I lost five pounds so I can have a treat.  That treat almost always being like an entire pizza.  I want to do this and I want to do it right.  The thing is that I know what the problem is I know what I need to do to fix it though this is probably one of the first times I have actually spit it out without more excuses.  Well I just wanted to get that off my chest for right now.  We will see how things go.

Much Love
M

Damn You Philly Pretzel Factory

Man Thursdays are great days......... You know why I love Thursdays?...... PHILLY PRETZEL FACTORY!!!!! OK I love and hate them.  So the amazing company that I work for they really know how to take care of us.  Mondays they provide bagels, Wednesdays are a catered lunch I don't ever partake in that because of the inability to count the calories.  Thursdays is PPF (yummy)  I allow myself two of those and then Fridays they alternate between Pizza and Subs.  I don't eat the pizza on pizza days but I definitely enjoy a little Roast Beef Hoagie on Hoagie Fridays. 

OK I am done talking about that.  I was trying to think about something to write about from last night but I realized I did absolutely nothing last night.  I watched a couple of iHasCupquake Minecraft videos last night caught up on the Minecraft Hunger Games they played well the first and second I had already watched them both from Captain Sparklez and AntVenoms perspective but it was really cool to see it from Cupquakes perspective because you got to see the drama from the air. I also caught up on some of her old Quake N Bake videos which are freaking awesome.  If you are into nerdy edible treats they are worth the watch.  Geeky yummy snacks abound.  It lets me satisfy my food addiction without actually eating anything.  She also has a great series called Geeky Goodies that teach you how to make all kinds of geeky and wonderful decor things.  Pretty awesome.

On the diet front yesterday was a great day I stayed below my calorie limit and that is always a plus.  I need to hurry up and get paid so that I can buy some better food to eat though.  I am staying below my calorie limit but the quality of the food isn't as good as I would like but I am going to make a change to that. 

I think I slept on my wrist weird last night because I woke up and I could barely move it.  It even hurt shifting my car on the way to work.  I have it wrapped and I hope it starts to feel better soon...

In the realm of TV I am going to try to giving Breaking Bad another chance this evening I watched like the first like six episodes but I kept losing interest in the show every time that Walt would do something evil and decide he wanted to go home and bang his annoying wife it always annoyed me.  OK well I am running out of stuff to say and am probably going to start rambling soon.

Much Love
M

Minecraft Obsession

OK so my daughter was telling me about this game called Minecraft and that it was so awesome and there were videos on YouTube and I was like sure I will take a gander at this since she loves the videos.  I was not impressed I thought it was such a stupid idea for a game.  Then it came out as part of the Xbox Arcade and I downloaded and for her.... I was hooked the first time I spawned into that blocky world and was forced to survive that first night.  The first time I heard that freaking hissing sound and was blown to bits by something that I didn't even see I knew I was in for a bad time.  I have finally made the decision to upgrade to the PC version of the game and really give into my obsession.

I am choosing to lay the blame for my addiction to Minecraft not on myself but on YouTubers like iHasCupquake, AntVenom, sethbling and of course I cant mention Minecraft and YouTube without mentioning CaptainSparklez.  What these incredible people are able to do and create with this game is amazing I love games I love gaming I will admit it though I am horrible I suck beyond all belief but that is not what games are about they are about fun and creativity and killing time.  Minecraft has created the perfect tool for doing all of those. 

Even now as I am typing this blog post I am being destracted by Cupquakes Minecraft Single Player videos.

OK enough about that I just wanted to take a moment to rant about something that I take enjoyment from.  On to another note the battle against the bulge is going I am slowly making some progress which is a good thing I don't want just rush in and lose a bunch of weight.  I have been down that road before and after the rapid weightloss it was always just a matter of a few months before I have put even more weight on.  So I think that going slow is the better way to go.  I am hoping to get this blog and everything about it more organized and less of a mess.  I am hoping that just by typing everyday perhaps I will get better at it.

Much Love
M

No More Excuses

 

I woke up this morning feeling like I was dying.  I woke up feeling like this picture.  I woke up feeling like a beached whale.  Like a huge creature that is being crushed by its own weight that is no longer being supported by the water.  I feel like with ever step my knees or my legs are going to give out underneath me or that when I am laying down my weight is going to crush my lungs and I wont be able to breath anymore.  I didn't even want to eat anything this morning but I forced myself to have some breakfast and I will make myself have some lunch so that come this evening perhaps I wont stuff myself to the point of feeling like I am going to die.

I am tired of being exhausted all the time.  I know that my horrible sleep pattern is a major factor in this.  I don't go to bed till like 1 or 2 each night and then I am stuck having to get up at 6 am every morning.  It really starts to weigh on a person when you aren't getting enough sleep to really function and the heavier I get the less restful my sleep gets every night.

I think that I really am dying I think that if I don't work things out now and stop making excuses. No more excuses.

M

I Punch Of Reality To The Face

So this weekend I was relaxing at my moms house for a bit while my daughters enjoyed my sisters birthday party.  Too many small children for my liking so I was hiding inside while they all played outside.  Well my mom asked me very matter-of-factly if I had a good life insurance policy and that my beneficiaries were in line so that my daughters could be taken care of if something happened.  I looked at her and was like well yes I do and her response "Well since you don't take good care of yourself and are very heavy I wanted to make sure that if something happened to you that the girls would be taken care of."  This was one of those "What the fuck." kind of moments the ones where you go "are things really that bad?"  "am I already knocking on deaths door."  I realized I am.  I am pretty much taunting death to take me.  I mean yeah I did quit smoking and drink very rarely like 2 beers a month. However that is only a small fraction of the abuse that I put on my body.  The sedentary life that I live and the food that I shove in my body are causing my body to fall apart.

I always thought that I didn't have to rush to get things in order that I had plenty of time but the years have continued to creep by and the only progress that I have made is in getting fatter.  Every week I am reaching a new weight high.  People think I should have surgery to lose the weight but I know that I can do it I just have to be stronger than my need for the food.  I have to walk that fine line.  I know that I can do it and I will do it.  I need to do it.  Not for myself but for my daughters.

Mark

Ramen For Breakfast.

Man today was one of the mornings where my routine was completely thrown out the window.  Because of that I am enjoying some nice Maruchan Instant Ramen for breakfast since I didn't have time to make myself something more breakfasty before I sprinted out the door this morning.  Good thing I actually really like this stuff or it could have ended up being the second bad start to a day in a row.

I am trying to think about what I want to do this evening.  I want to do some sort of working out but I am still having a hard time figuring out where to start.  I mean this has been my issue since I first started trying to lose weight.  I just cant seem to get myself moving.  I have a bunch of easy DVD's that I could work on but I know that I wont do that.

This day is really dragging so much there is no work coming through and I am really trying to reach to find something worth writing about here.  I am trying to go a day without caffeine but I don't know if I can do that.  It sucks already ready.  I am also having shavers remorse.  I shaved some of my beard off and I am very much regretting it.  Well I am done for the time being hopefully I will have more to type later.

M

Long Weekend With Weird Weather

This weekend was full of some odd weather and felt like it was a week instead of just a weekend.  It seemed like the sky couldn't make up its mind if it was going to rain or let the sun shine through and be wonderful.  Eventually as the day wore on the rain won out over the sun and it poured the funny thing was that they shot off some fireworks Friday night and as soon as the grand finale was over the sky just opened up and dumped on us.  It was very interesting.  It was however wonderful to lay on the couch with the window open almost all weekend listening to the rain as it came and went and the nice breeze that would shoot around the neighborhood.  It made for some really relaxing time.

I did also eat far too much food over the weekend as is my usual MO.  I still haven't figured out what I need to do to keep myself on track.

On an upside I went to a party this weekend it was my friend Megs little brothers 21'st birthday and even though 90% of the people there smoked I managed to stay strong.  I have been 30 weeks without a smoke I think that the longest I have ever gone during any of my previous attempts to quit smoking was like 20 weeks at the absolute most that is awesome.  It is really one of the few things I am doing for myself right now that I can really be proud of.

Well it is time for me to go and get started on actually doing some work even though there isn't really anything for me to do.

M

The Razor-Wire Is Gone

Well had to take a sick day from work yesterday.  Wednesday night I felt like there was a ball of razor-wire stuck in the back of my throat.  It was hard to breath and the pain, I felt, was going to drive me insane.  I took yesterday off of work and made so to take some good cold medicine and that I had a nice bag of cough drops on hand at all times.  Last night I was actually able to sleep the whole night through and it was a wonderful thing.  When I woke up this morning I was able to swallow and breath without feeling like I was going to die.  It was a great thing.  Something that was really funny was the first thing I thought when my throat started hurting was "Man I am glad that I don't smoke anymore.  That would suck." 

I have been 29 weeks and 4 days without a smoke.  It is interesting because I never thought that I would be able to quit and the fact that all it took was me deciding to not stop that one morning to get smokes on my way to work.

I am thinking that this weekend is going to be a cleaning weekend.  Yesterday I did nothing all day so I feel that I need to move around and make up for it today.  I also ate a lot of food last night once my throat started feeling better.  Going to use that to move on to my next segment of this post.  I realize that I had this incredible will power to stop smoking I just one day said ok I am done.  Most people would say that my will power is very strong to be able to do that.  If I can do that why cant I have the will power to get to the gym or to not stuff my face with food on an hourly basis.  That is my big question and that is the next step I need to take in my life.  Finding a way to direct that will power into losing weight that is what I am working on right now.  Well I am going to do some work and hopefully I will get some more blogging in later today if I happen to come across anything interesting to talk about.

M.

Diet Coke Withdrawal

I went like a week without a diet coke and man that was a nightmare and just when I thought I had kicked the habit it all came back. 

This morning I felt the cold once again in my hand.  When twisted the top off the crack and his was like an angel whispering my name.  When the top of the bottle touched my lips it was like the kiss of a long lost lover and when the cold refreshment passed my lips and that sweet passion of fake wild cherry flavoring touched my tongue I knew that I could never go without it again.

OK now to what I was really talking about.  I understand that diet soda is worse than regular soda when you think about it but I honestly just cant drink regular soda it is just always far too sweet and also has that nasty syrupy kinda texture to it that I just don't enjoy.

I really don't have much else to say at this point.

Blessed Be
M