Not doing great, but not doing horrible.

I got on the scale this morning for the first time in like a month.  The only upside was that I weighed less than what I thought I would be.  Fortunately I weighed the same 336lbs that I did the last time I got on the scale however it made me realize that I have been eating very well the last three days and have been trying to move around more.  I don't mean exercising yet but I do mean getting up and walking to get things instead of trying to get someone else to get stuff for me.  I also make a point to get up and walk around the office more.   Actually using the further away water machine than the one closer to my desk.  I know it isn't much but at least it is something.

I have begun to get some of my eating under control.  They late night munchies are doing a real harm to it but it is hard to get myself to go to bed at a decent time I know that if I could just get myself in to bed earlier I could bypass the entire issue with the late night eating but there are forces that prevent me from getting to bed at a decent time.  I know that if I could do that things would be a lot easier but no excuses I have to work things out they way they are.  Well I thought I would have more to say but honestly don't really feel like typing anymore.

No More Excuses

 

I woke up this morning feeling like I was dying.  I woke up feeling like this picture.  I woke up feeling like a beached whale.  Like a huge creature that is being crushed by its own weight that is no longer being supported by the water.  I feel like with ever step my knees or my legs are going to give out underneath me or that when I am laying down my weight is going to crush my lungs and I wont be able to breath anymore.  I didn't even want to eat anything this morning but I forced myself to have some breakfast and I will make myself have some lunch so that come this evening perhaps I wont stuff myself to the point of feeling like I am going to die.

I am tired of being exhausted all the time.  I know that my horrible sleep pattern is a major factor in this.  I don't go to bed till like 1 or 2 each night and then I am stuck having to get up at 6 am every morning.  It really starts to weigh on a person when you aren't getting enough sleep to really function and the heavier I get the less restful my sleep gets every night.

I think that I really am dying I think that if I don't work things out now and stop making excuses. No more excuses.

M

So Many Wonderful Vices.

OK so I wanted to do a little followup on my Casino experience I was hoping to have some pictures to go along with this but as is the usual I am procrastinating about getting the pictures.  Mostly this is going to be a post about the food that I was able to enjoy (being as it was free).  Well the limo picked us up about 5:20 pm.  I must say that I do love riding in a limo I wish I had a job that would allow me to ride in one on a daily basis (being a drive is excluded).  I love when people strain to try to see who is in the limo hoping to catch a glimpse of some celebrity but alas all that was there was me and my friends.

Upon arrival at the casino, which is a pretty large building considering where it is located, we made our way to the back of the casino to the restaurant where are free meal would be enjoyed.  It was a wonderful little place called Chickie's and Pete's It is a very nice seafood place that has several locations in the area.  I must say that the Parx Casino location is by far my favorite. We got to the table and started with a round of drinks.  I pretty much stuck with Yuengling Lager all night.  Then we ordered two orders of their famous Crab Fries which are utterly wonderful and incredibly bad for you, but I won this so I ate and ate a lot.  We also ordered to orders of their Crab Nachos another utterly decadent delight.  It is tortilla chips seasoned and covered with greens, cheese, crab meat, red peppers and a wonderfully spicy secret sauce.  Again I ate too much of that.  I then ordered about 3 more Lagers.

We enjoyed seeing a live broadcast of probably my favorite radio sports show, Talking Baseball with Dutch.  It is on the Fanatic a local Philly radio station.  They were actually the ones that I won the contest from.  Darren "Dutch" Daulton is a bit of a legend in the Philly area he was pretty much the heart and soul of the 1993 National League Champion Phillies. Not to mention probably the nicest guy you will ever get to meet in your life.  The other host to this show is Jon Marks who is a bit of a broadcasting legend in Philly at least in my eyes he is.    It was great to meat those guys.

Then it was time to order the actual meal.  Now I know it is a seafood place but I had to try the Italian Burger it come with mozzarella, prosciutto, arugula and a wonderful Italian dressing.  It was to die for.  I devoured that with a quickness, and followed that with another Lager.

After the broadcast was over we took some more pictures with Dutch before he had to scram and then the Parkette of the Month Lily took us for a tour of the Casino.  This place is pretty awesome I must say.  There are slots pretty much everywhere and a good deal of card tables set up they are actually in the process of adding more gaming tables because when the casino originally opened up the state would only let them have slots.  They also have a very cool dance club that is set up with a stage for live bands to perform.  The bar actually runs around the stage.   After the tour was over we drank some more and played some slot machines and tried our hands are roulette.  I made sure that I only spent the money that I set aside for myself to spend for gambling.  Turned out good. I didn't win anything but didn't lose anymore than I was planning to lose.

After several hours we called for the limo and he took us home.  That was my casino adventure in a nutshell I do plan on going there more often since it is pretty darn close.

M.

I Actually Won Something.

So I actually won something I know I am as shocked as anyone.  This radio station in the area I live in 97.5 The Fanatic holds this contest every Monday where they give away a VIP Experience to the Parx Casino, a local casino around these parts.  Well I won so tonight me and three friends will be picked up at 5:30 pm in a limo and taken to Parx to enjoy a free meal and drinks at Chickie's and Pete's as well as a live broadcast of Talking Baseball with Dutch.  That should be nice because the Phillies actually won last night so we can talk about that.  Then we will get a vip tour of the Casino but the Parkette of the month and then can do a little gambling and when we are ready to depart the limo will be waiting to take us home.  Should be quite a nice event I will be sure to do a follow up blog tomorrow complete with some pics I am hoping.

Mark

I Punch Of Reality To The Face

So this weekend I was relaxing at my moms house for a bit while my daughters enjoyed my sisters birthday party.  Too many small children for my liking so I was hiding inside while they all played outside.  Well my mom asked me very matter-of-factly if I had a good life insurance policy and that my beneficiaries were in line so that my daughters could be taken care of if something happened.  I looked at her and was like well yes I do and her response "Well since you don't take good care of yourself and are very heavy I wanted to make sure that if something happened to you that the girls would be taken care of."  This was one of those "What the fuck." kind of moments the ones where you go "are things really that bad?"  "am I already knocking on deaths door."  I realized I am.  I am pretty much taunting death to take me.  I mean yeah I did quit smoking and drink very rarely like 2 beers a month. However that is only a small fraction of the abuse that I put on my body.  The sedentary life that I live and the food that I shove in my body are causing my body to fall apart.

I always thought that I didn't have to rush to get things in order that I had plenty of time but the years have continued to creep by and the only progress that I have made is in getting fatter.  Every week I am reaching a new weight high.  People think I should have surgery to lose the weight but I know that I can do it I just have to be stronger than my need for the food.  I have to walk that fine line.  I know that I can do it and I will do it.  I need to do it.  Not for myself but for my daughters.

Mark

Ramen For Breakfast.

Man today was one of the mornings where my routine was completely thrown out the window.  Because of that I am enjoying some nice Maruchan Instant Ramen for breakfast since I didn't have time to make myself something more breakfasty before I sprinted out the door this morning.  Good thing I actually really like this stuff or it could have ended up being the second bad start to a day in a row.

I am trying to think about what I want to do this evening.  I want to do some sort of working out but I am still having a hard time figuring out where to start.  I mean this has been my issue since I first started trying to lose weight.  I just cant seem to get myself moving.  I have a bunch of easy DVD's that I could work on but I know that I wont do that.

This day is really dragging so much there is no work coming through and I am really trying to reach to find something worth writing about here.  I am trying to go a day without caffeine but I don't know if I can do that.  It sucks already ready.  I am also having shavers remorse.  I shaved some of my beard off and I am very much regretting it.  Well I am done for the time being hopefully I will have more to type later.

M

Break Stuff

Man today is already turning out to be a horrible day.  Lets start it out. called the courthouse yesterday to find out there hours.  The guy said 9am I was like sweet.  So this morning I show up at the annex to drop off the rest of my divorce papers.  They don't open till 9:30.  So I sit and wait.  9:30 rolls around and I go into the office to drop the papers off.  Turns out I need to date a few papers.  Not a big deal I date the papers and hand them back to the clerk.  She comes back saying that some of the papers that me and the ex had signed and had notarized were dated for the day we initially filed.  Apparently this is a no-no.  She said I could file them but then the divorce would be denied and then I would have to pay to refile.  So now I have to go and reprint these two papers and then we have to go and have them notarized again.  So the time I took off from work this morning was for nothing.  The thing that really pisses me off is that when I brought the packet of papers there originally the original clerk did not mention a thing about those papers being dated wrong.  If he would have mentioned that 90 days ago it would have been handled by now.

Ok so I left the court house very upset because I hate taking time off from work.  So then on my way to work I  had to take a thirty minute long detour because the road I was traveling was closed for get this 100 feet.  JUST 100 FEET!!! so I ended up wasting two hours of my work day for absolutely nothing so freaking irritating.

Well I am going to try relax and not have my head explode.

M

Long Weekend With Weird Weather

This weekend was full of some odd weather and felt like it was a week instead of just a weekend.  It seemed like the sky couldn't make up its mind if it was going to rain or let the sun shine through and be wonderful.  Eventually as the day wore on the rain won out over the sun and it poured the funny thing was that they shot off some fireworks Friday night and as soon as the grand finale was over the sky just opened up and dumped on us.  It was very interesting.  It was however wonderful to lay on the couch with the window open almost all weekend listening to the rain as it came and went and the nice breeze that would shoot around the neighborhood.  It made for some really relaxing time.

I did also eat far too much food over the weekend as is my usual MO.  I still haven't figured out what I need to do to keep myself on track.

On an upside I went to a party this weekend it was my friend Megs little brothers 21'st birthday and even though 90% of the people there smoked I managed to stay strong.  I have been 30 weeks without a smoke I think that the longest I have ever gone during any of my previous attempts to quit smoking was like 20 weeks at the absolute most that is awesome.  It is really one of the few things I am doing for myself right now that I can really be proud of.

Well it is time for me to go and get started on actually doing some work even though there isn't really anything for me to do.

M

The Razor-Wire Is Gone

Well had to take a sick day from work yesterday.  Wednesday night I felt like there was a ball of razor-wire stuck in the back of my throat.  It was hard to breath and the pain, I felt, was going to drive me insane.  I took yesterday off of work and made so to take some good cold medicine and that I had a nice bag of cough drops on hand at all times.  Last night I was actually able to sleep the whole night through and it was a wonderful thing.  When I woke up this morning I was able to swallow and breath without feeling like I was going to die.  It was a great thing.  Something that was really funny was the first thing I thought when my throat started hurting was "Man I am glad that I don't smoke anymore.  That would suck." 

I have been 29 weeks and 4 days without a smoke.  It is interesting because I never thought that I would be able to quit and the fact that all it took was me deciding to not stop that one morning to get smokes on my way to work.

I am thinking that this weekend is going to be a cleaning weekend.  Yesterday I did nothing all day so I feel that I need to move around and make up for it today.  I also ate a lot of food last night once my throat started feeling better.  Going to use that to move on to my next segment of this post.  I realize that I had this incredible will power to stop smoking I just one day said ok I am done.  Most people would say that my will power is very strong to be able to do that.  If I can do that why cant I have the will power to get to the gym or to not stuff my face with food on an hourly basis.  That is my big question and that is the next step I need to take in my life.  Finding a way to direct that will power into losing weight that is what I am working on right now.  Well I am going to do some work and hopefully I will get some more blogging in later today if I happen to come across anything interesting to talk about.

M.