So this weekend I was relaxing at my moms house for a bit while my daughters enjoyed my sisters birthday party. Too many small children for my liking so I was hiding inside while they all played outside. Well my mom asked me very matter-of-factly if I had a good life insurance policy and that my beneficiaries were in line so that my daughters could be taken care of if something happened. I looked at her and was like well yes I do and her response "Well since you don't take good care of yourself and are very heavy I wanted to make sure that if something happened to you that the girls would be taken care of." This was one of those "What the fuck." kind of moments the ones where you go "are things really that bad?" "am I already knocking on deaths door." I realized I am. I am pretty much taunting death to take me. I mean yeah I did quit smoking and drink very rarely like 2 beers a month. However that is only a small fraction of the abuse that I put on my body. The sedentary life that I live and the food that I shove in my body are causing my body to fall apart.
I always thought that I didn't have to rush to get things in order that I had plenty of time but the years have continued to creep by and the only progress that I have made is in getting fatter. Every week I am reaching a new weight high. People think I should have surgery to lose the weight but I know that I can do it I just have to be stronger than my need for the food. I have to walk that fine line. I know that I can do it and I will do it. I need to do it. Not for myself but for my daughters.
Mark
WOW that's scary--but fear is totally a good motivator. I found your blog because you commented on another I follow. I'd be interested in following yours but I'm having a hard time figuring it out. This isn't for romance, I'm very happily married. But I just like following a few different blogs and I have my own. I actually have 2 and I have been severely neglecting them. I got on blogger and joined a couple of "pro ana" sites and just being accountable to other girls, I was able to loose 65 Pounds. I am NOT anorexic and i'm healthy, but I'm probably a little obsessed. But you know what--I think it's better than being fat, even if I think about calories more than I'd ideally like to. OH WELL at least I'm not panicking about some other health worry.
ReplyDeleteTake care, I'm trying to figure out how to follow....
Jenn
I feel like my comment was really maybe super rude. I didn't mean to be I promise
ReplyDeletexo, jenn
Oh I didnt think it was rude at all because in a lot of ways my mentality is the exact same I would rather obsess over my weight than be fat. I have just been having a hard time lately kicking myself into gear. :)
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